Henry V: Act 5, Scene 1

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    France. The English camp.

    Scene Summary

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    Fluellen forces Pistol to eat a leek — Pistol had mocked the Welsh custom earlier and Fluellen would not let it go. Left alone, Pistol learns that Mistress Quickly has died of a disease. He has nothing left. He will go home and become a thief.

    Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER
    GOWER
    Nay, that's right; but why wear you your leek today?
    Saint Davy's day is past.
    FLUELLEN
    There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in
    all things: I will tell you, asse my friend,
    Captain Gower: the rascally, scald, beggarly,
    lousy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and
    yourself and all the world know to be no petter
    than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is
    come to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday,
    look you, and bid me eat my leek: it was in place
    where I could not breed no contention with him; but
    I will be so bold as to wear it in my cap till I see
    him once again, and then I will tell him a little
    piece of my desires.
    Enter PISTOL
    GOWER
    Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.
    FLUELLEN
    'Tis no matter for his swellings nor his
    turkey-cocks. God pless you, Aunchient Pistol! you
    scurvy, lousy knave, God pless you!
    PISTOL
    Ha! art thou bedlam? dost thou thirst, base Trojan,
    To have me fold up Parca's fatal web?
    Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of leek.
    FLUELLEN
    I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my
    desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat,
    look you, this leek: because, look you, you do not
    love it, nor your affections and your appetites and
    your digestions doo's not agree with it, I would
    desire you to eat it.
    PISTOL
    Not for Cadwallader and all his goats.
    FLUELLEN
    There is one goat for you.
    Strikes him
    Will you be so good, scauld knave, as eat it?
    PISTOL
    Base Trojan, thou shalt die.
    FLUELLEN
    You say very true, scauld knave, when God's will is:
    I will desire you to live in the mean time, and eat
    your victuals: come, there is sauce for it.
    Strikes him
    You called me yesterday mountain-squire; but I will
    make you to-day a squire of low degree. I pray you,
    fall to: if you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.
    GOWER
    Enough, captain: you have astonished him.
    FLUELLEN
    I say, I will make him eat some part of my leek, or
    I will peat his pate four days. Bite, I pray you; it
    is good for your green wound and your ploody coxcomb.
    PISTOL
    Must I bite?
    FLUELLEN
    Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question
    too, and ambiguities.
    PISTOL
    By this leek, I will most horribly revenge: I eat
    and eat, I swear--
    FLUELLEN
    Eat, I pray you: will you have some more sauce to
    your leek? there is not enough leek to swear by.
    PISTOL
    Quiet thy cudgel; thou dost see I eat.
    FLUELLEN
    Much good do you, scauld knave, heartily. Nay, pray
    you, throw none away; the skin is good for your
    broken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks
    hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em; that is all.
    PISTOL
    Good.
    FLUELLEN
    Ay, leeks is good: hold you, there is a groat to
    heal your pate.
    PISTOL
    Me a groat!
    FLUELLEN
    Yes, verily and in truth, you shall take it; or I
    have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.
    PISTOL
    I take thy groat in earnest of revenge.
    FLUELLEN
    If I owe you any thing, I will pay you in cudgels:
    you shall be a woodmonger, and buy nothing of me but
    cudgels. God b' wi' you, and keep you, and heal your pate.
    Exit
    PISTOL
    All hell shall stir for this.
    GOWER
    Go, go; you are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will
    you mock at an ancient tradition, begun upon an
    honourable respect, and worn as a memorable trophy of
    predeceased valour and dare not avouch in your deeds
    any of your words? I have seen you gleeking and
    galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You
    thought, because he could not speak English in the
    native garb, he could not therefore handle an
    English cudgel: you find it otherwise; and
    henceforth let a Welsh correction teach you a good
    English condition. Fare ye well.
    Exit
    PISTOL
    Doth Fortune play the huswife with me now?
    News have I, that my Nell is dead i' the spital
    Of malady of France;
    And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
    Old I do wax; and from my weary limbs
    Honour is cudgelled. Well, bawd I'll turn,
    And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
    To England will I steal, and there I'll steal:
    And patches will I get unto these cudgell'd scars,
    And swear I got them in the Gallia wars.
    Exit